Forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. In order to grow and heal you must forgive those who have hurt you.
Now before we begin I must make something clear, forgiving is NOT forgetting and most importantly it is NOT excusing.
Excusing abusive behavior is never okay. There is no excuse for abuse.
Forgiving is part of healing, is part of growth. One of the main reasons I named this blog Time2Mend is because healing takes TIME.
Just like with healing, growing, and moving forward…
Learning, and re-learning forgiveness takes time.
STEPS TO FORGIVENESS
No matter what the past is the past. It’s happened and there is no changing it. There’s no wishing it away. At times it is hard to accept being treated unfairly, being abused, being betrayed. Yet, in order to begin your journey to forgiveness you must accept what you can’t change.
Being able to accept the past and things you can’t change allows you to fully heal.
Once I learned to accept what I couldn’t change I was finally able to embrace the past and lead into the next step, which is becoming understanding.
Once I was able to accept what had happened, I had started to wonder WHY?
I had to truly UNDERSTAND the “why”.
Why do abusers abuse?
Why do hurt people hurt people?
In order to forgive you have to have the ability to understand.
Most importantly you have to realize that UNDERSTANDING is NOT AGREEING.
Please don’t confuse the two.
Being able to understand why someone does what they do lets you see their actions in a new light, from an outside perspective. You aren’t agreeing with their actions yet are able to understand the causes as to why they have done what they’ve done.
You start to truly understand why they do the hurtful and outrageous things they do.
You begin to understand that it wasn’t your fault and that the actions they do all have a meaning behind them,
(no matter how crazy/senseless/irrational/harsh/heartless/ridiculous/etc. the action may be).
Once I was able to accept the past, understand why abusers do what they do I was truly able to forgive.
Forgiveness isn’t just forgiving the person who hurt you it’s also about turning inward and forgiving yourself.
- I had to forgive myself for allowing someone to treat me poorly.
- Forgive myself for not loving myself and holding myself to a high standard.
- Forgive myself for not realizing that I’m a Queen and deserve to be treated as such.
Once I forgave myself, I was able to forgive others.
- Forgiveness is definitely tough and takes time.
- Forgiveness isn’t something you can truly achieve overnight.
- Forgiveness challenges you to a whole new level of growth.
Yet once you reach it you feel so much better, healed, and you become one step closer on your journey to healing.