“What do you mean you want to go to a
“Girl’s Night Out”
No! If you really love me, you won’t go!”
“Why can’t I come with you on the guys trip? I don’t care if I’m the only girl there, I’m coming with you or you aren’t going!”
“You’re going to drinks after work? No! Come home now! I need you! I *fake coughs* am sick!”
“Why should you go to your family’s place for the weekend? Do you really want to choose them over me?? You must not love me!”
One of the major signs of an unhealthy relationship is when a partner tries to isolate you away from others.
Isolation is removing you away from people and the things you love.
Sometimes it looks like giving you an ultimatum of
“You are moving across the country [away from friends and family] or else it’s over!”
“You either enjoy the same exact (hobbies/sports/interests/religion/politics/etc.) as me or you don’t really love me!”
Or it could be always having you cancel plans with your friends, not letting you build relationships with your co-workers outside of work, and sometimes not even allowing you to work at all.
Examples of Isolation
- Controlling what you do, who you see, who you talk to, what you read, where you go (basically everything that involves your own free will!)
- Limiting your outside involvement (always choosing for you to “stay in” versus having some time with friends/family, volunteering, going to school/church/work/etc.)
- Using jealousy to justify their actions (“I’m just jealous that’s why I do **insert isolating behavior**)
Isolation is one of the main ways an unhealthy partner will try to gain control over you and have you become dependent on them and only them.
In a healthy relationship, each person is allowed to have their own friendships, their own separate relationships with people they work with/go to school with/in their community, and spend quality time with their family members.
You shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about wanting to spend time with your friends or family.
No one has the right to control another person’s activities. No healthy partner would isolate you from the things you enjoy and the people you love being around.
Isolating you from the people you love, limiting what you do, harassing you, being jealous, suspicious or paranoid of everything you do are both manipulative and controlling behaviors. These are huge red flags within a relationship.
If you find that your partner is doing any of these please check out www.loveisrespect.org to talk to an advocate about your situation.
And always remember that you deserve to have a life outside of your relationship.