When your abusive relationship is a thing of the past you would think
“Yay! Everything is smooth sailing from here.”
Unfortunately, that’s not the case.
- “I’m finished with this chapter!”
- “No more bad dates!”
- “No more abusive relationships”
I had the strength to leave the abusive relationship. I learned the red flags to stay far from away. I’m happier now, stronger, feeling better about myself. I’m self-confident!
*Does Victory Dance *
Yet I was faced with a YET ANOTHER new dilemma.
THE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
You may be wondering how can a healthy relationship be bad?
Trust me it isn’t!
It isn’t the healthy relationship that is bad or even hard it is the unfamiliarity of it.
It’s something NEW!
Something you aren’t used to!
Something you’ve asked for, prayed for, hoped for, wished for, worked had for!
And now it is here!
One of the most common problems we as survivors are faced with is the healthy relationship after the abusive one.
“Feeling as if it’s too good to be true”
You suddenly have this new partner who is caring, respectful, considerate! Things that before you didn’t experience firsthand. Things that you thought only existed in the movies or in fairytales. Believe it or not when all you know is abuse, hurt, betrayal it begins to shape your mind. You start to question everything.
You start to feel as if this is all too good to be true.
It is ALWAYS a great idea to look out for red flags in a potential partner, yet when all you are consistently experiencing and finding are “green flags” in the potential partner, it’s a symbol that this relationship is going in the right direction. Even though it may a direction you aren’t used to, a road untraveled, take the leap! This healthy relationship is a journey of new beginnings.
“I thought I’d never trust anyone again.”
This is very true. After an abusive relationship having a healthy person in your life feels strange. You just got out of a toxic situation where whenever you put your trust in, boom things went wrong. Now you have someone new and all you find yourself thinking about is, can I trust them?
Trust is one of the main keys to a healthy relationship. I had to constantly remind myself that not everyone is dishonest.
I had to remind myself that even in a world where it seems there is so many negative things going on there are genuine people out there that you can trust! If this new partner hasn’t given you any red flags, has consistently shown they are trustworthy, it’s safe to say you can put your trust in them. Start slow, put some T-R into them, then add a few letters step-by-step until you feel they deserve all of your T-R-U-S-T!
So, when does this journey take a turn for the worse?
One of the “Many Great Things About Healthy Relationships” (Post coming soon) is that it doesn’t take a turn for the worse.
In a healthy relationship there is no drastic change in behavior. It doesn’t go from happiness to hell. It remains healthy.
Healthy, healthy, and you guessed it, healthy!
Don’t get me wrong, there will be slight potholes on the journey in a healthy relationship such as disagreements, stress (over things like finances, leaving the toilet seat up, not getting enough quality time, etc.), there will even be HEALTHY arguments. (Another new post coming soon on this as well) yet it NEVER takes a turn for the worse.
The constant paranoia of “one day this healthy loving relationship you’re in is going to take a turn for the worst” will slowly but surely fade away. You will begin to accept this person into your life. You will begin to see that they are genuine, that they are in your life to positively accompany you on your journey.
The healthy relationship after the abusive one is difficult. It’s confusing. It makes you second guess. It gives you anxiety. But…
A healthy relationship is something you deserve, you’ve earned, you’ve taken the steps to gain.