If you are having a hard time saying no…
Whether that be to a
“Hey can you give me all the answers to this assignment”
(from a classmate you haven’t even spoke to the entire year)
Or even something along the lines of
“Can I move in with you for a few days… weeks… months?…”
(from a couch potato who has no intentions on helping pay their share of the bills)
There have been times where I knew I would be too busy to do something yet would say yes anyway. I’ve even agreed to do things that I definitely didn’t want to do. I used to believe that standing my ground and saying No to things meant I was being “mean” or “rude”.
I decided to create this post to discuss the importance of BOUNDARIES.
Setting boundaries when it comes to who you associate yourselfwith.
We only have one life to live. The more we decide to take action and surround ourselves with healthy positive people in our lives, the better our lives will be. Whether that be a friendship, relationship, a co-worker, family member, whoever always remind yourself that you want to be around good company.
Having no company is better than BAD company.
Associating yourself with positive influences is a great boundary to create.
It makes those who aren’t in your best interest steer clear!
If they are exhibiting behavior that you find doesn't fit into your boundary, voice it. Let them know. If they aren't willing to respect your boundaries then its best to rethink the role they have in your life.
If you have a Talks Over You Tom as your boyfriend, a Negative Aunt Nancy or an Always Complaining Co-worker then…
Create a boundary!
If all they do is say negative things to you or complain, try shifting the conversation. With every negative, create a positive. If that doesn’t work, try distancing yourself away from them little by little.
The less you entertain their negative behavior the less they will display it!
SETTING BOUNDARIES AND STICKING TO THEM ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT
NO MEANS NO
A deadline is a deadline.
Your rules are your rules.
The second you let a boundary slide, it’ll mean nothing.
Having no boundaries looks a lot like this:
“Yes, I’ll do this for you/buy this for you/cook this for you/take care of this for you/steal this for you/take the blame for/clean this for you/make this for you/go to this for you”… the list goes on and on… and on!
Then you are stuck in the never-ending game of trying to do ten million things for others all at once.
Often times we feel by saying “No” we are being too mean, being rude, or “too aggressive”.
This leads to
- committing to things you don’t want to
- being taken advantage of
- working yourself ragged to please others.
Being ASSERTIVE doesn’t mean you are being AGGRESSIVE!
Once you started being assertive, speaking your mind, declining things that you know you didn’t want to do/couldn’t do/didn’t have time to do, etc. things start to run so much smoother. You’ll feel more in control of your actions, words, and most importantly your life.
Start by being comfortable saying no. You don’t have to scream it in someone’s face (although you may feel like it deep down inside) but you can always politely decline.
Here are some examples:
Creating boundaries is such an important part of everyone’s life! Once you start creating boundaries you feel strong, empowered, and most importantly become one step closer in your journey to mending!
Have a great day and don’t forget… it’s okay to say no!