When you feel trapped in your own body.
I’m a happy, positive, empowering person but some days my brain is telling me otherwise.
Unfortunately, depression is usually seen as being sad all day every single day while crying, eating ice cream fresh out of the container, and watching your favorite TV show reruns on the couch in the dark.
Sadly, yes some cases of depression are that way. Yet some are not, like in my case.
Most days I wake up feeling fine, get dressed, put makeup on, go through the school day, write, read, eat, socialize, and go to bed at a decent time… then boom depression hits, hard!
I wake up and instantly feel different. I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t feel like getting dressed. Putting makeup on? Definitely not. Going to class? Not even if pigs flew me to my desk. I don’t feel like texting anyone. I even lose my appetite… for days!
Me, my-“self” is saying, hey you love getting dressed! Food is bae! You like school! You enjoy socializing! Come on, let’s go!
Whereas my brain is saying, “Nope!”
Being a young adult and going through depression you feel inadequate, hopeless, like something is wrong with you. Everyone around you seems to be having a great time, going to Coachella, partying, traveling, enjoying life. Yet, here you are struggling to even get out of bed to start the day.
What I find is the most difficult about depression is when you realize that what you are going through is in fact depression.
What I mean by that is you realize,
“Hey I’m depressed, and I want to get better! What steps should I take to get better?”
Whereas your brain is saying,
“You’re sad. You’re depressed! Why waste your time trying to fix it, just lay in bed all day.”
It’s as if you are trapped inside your own body.
With Time2Mend I use four words that I feel accurately describe this blog’s purpose.
Relationships. Dating. Love. Recovery.
Recovery I feel is the most challenging.
Recovery is a process. The road to recovery, at times, feels impossible.
Dealing with depression is part of my recovery process. Each relationship I had caused me to be in high levels of stress, every single day, for months!
Each day it was a new stressful obstacle.
“Is he going to hit me again?” “Is he going to be mad at me?” “Is he going to accuse me of cheating?” “Did I stare at the cashier too long when handing him the money, will he be mad at me when we get back in the car?” “What did I do wrong this time?” “Should I not speak so that he doesn’t get angry with me?” “Should I try to break up with him? Or should I give him another chance…again.”
Constant worrying, every single day.
The anxiety I faced each day was as if my “fight or flight” response, never turned off.
All of these things remain tattooed into my brain, no matter how much I have tried to not think of them or erase the memories completely.
Having that “fight or flight” response in full effect for prolonged amounts of time isn’t healthy for your brain.
The aftermath: Depression!
I, myself as a person, feel fine, happy, and optimistic most days. I feel like going on walks, reading at the park, writing in my journal.
But, some days my brain is telling me otherwise.
Most days everything is great and I feel like myself. Other days the Depression Express comes rolling in. On those not so fun days here are some things that I try to do to clear my mind and make me feel back to myself again.
[Before I begin, if you start having suicidal thoughts, thoughts of harming yourself or others seek medical attention right away.]
- Get dressed. Even if I don’t feel like being a fashionista I make sure to still get dressed, just being dressed can make you feel a little better than being in your pajamas all day.
- Get some Vitamin D! Going outside truly makes a difference. I generally will go to a park but even just standing right outside your home in the sun for a minute or two can brighten up your day… literally!
- Talk to someone. If you have a trusted friend or family member, send them a text, call them on the phone, or invite them over. I started attending a women’s group where we meet each Wednesday to get together and talk about how we are doing.
- Go for a walk. When you are depressed getting up to go for a walk seems like such a draining obstacle but I have found that going for a walk makes me feel so much better! I grab my headphones and walk for at least 20 minutes. At the end of the walk I always start to feel better, less stressed, and gain energy to go through with the rest of my day.
- Contact a doctor. Now there have been times where I’ve tried all of these things. I tried doing things that I love. Everything! From reading and writing to going for walks to therapy to shopping yet nothing was making me feel better. I started to become concerned. I contacted my doctor to schedule an appointment to see what steps there are for me to take in recovering. (I will make a post about Talking to Your Doctor About Your Depression soon!)
Battling through depression is hard and the road to recovery may seem like the hardest. But just remember that not taking the steps to recover, will end up being even harder.
There are lots of options out there for you to overcome the depression you are facing, you can and will get through it!