Just when you thought they were out of your life for good.
Unfortunately, the traumatic memories and the pain abusers cause don’t just immediately disappear.
Sometimes neither do they!
When I dumped the last loser abuser at the beginning of the New Year, I celebrated! I was officially ringing in the New Year single and drama free away from that psychopath. But, I knew one thing, we were going to attend the same college within a few weeks.
At first, I was nervous. I thought, do I have to watch my back everywhere I go? Should I tell campus police? From banging my head against the car window in a parking lot full of people to spitting in my face I knew this coward was capable of trying anything and everything to make a scene.
Our classes were scheduled around the same time since he used my laptop while were together to register for them. I made sure to change some of my courses so that we wouldn’t be anywhere near each other.
When the semester started everything seemed normal, tons of people walking by, yet I always would watch my back, wondering is he watching me? Is he following me? Is he going to find out where I’m parked? He had sent continuous messages threatening me. He would literally make a new Snapchat account every week under different names (yet same phone number which exposed him right away) in order to contact me, since I continued to block him off of everything and changed my number.
Here are the actual screenshots!
[[I have lots more, which I will show in later posts that have to do with abusers who try to Blackmail you]]
So the semester had started out normal, luckily I wouldn’t see him anywhere.
Then February came!
I was sitting at a table in the library typing an assignment when I felt as if someone was standing behind me. I look beside me and bam! Here’s psycho #3. He kneels down whispering how “sorry” he is for his actions, how he “knows he did wrong and he shouldn’t have treated me like that” how he “didn’t mean any of it”.
He even had the audacity to ask me out on a DATE again.
What part of “I want to break up with you.” “I don’t want to be with you anymore.” “Leave me alone dude” didn’t he get?
As he continued to plead on I literally acted as if I didn’t even hear him. I ignored his fake apologies and didn’t say a word.
Which then he decided to switch his tactic up, now it was “I’m failing all my classes, I don’t know how you can do it. It’s just so hard. Bla Bla Bla” Typical sob story of “Oh poor me, I’m doing badly, take me back”
When I still didn’t respond back to him, to his surprise, since he thought his son story definitely would have worked by now, he then says, “Well I’ll let you get back to studying”
As if I even stopped my studying to acknowledge him in the first place?
After I saw him go sit back down at a computer I gathered my things and left.
I was proud of myself. I wasn’t afraid of him, I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t’ even angry. I was more annoyed than anything. I seriously wanted to shout:
“What part of leave me alone don’t you understand!?”
If you break up with someone and know that they are going to be at the same job as you, college you attend, or even within the same area there are tons of different steps you can take to ensure that you are safe.
If you know they have a class within the same building you can always try to walk to class with someone, whether that be a friend, or even just tag behind a group of people avoiding walking alone can make you feel much more safe. Many campuses also offer escort services as well with the campus police to reassure your safety.
If your ex is similar to mine and stalks everything you do, even this post that I’m typing, then you can always try switching up your route. Finding new pathways to take to your classes can ensure that they aren’t going to know which route you are taking and gives you a new fun way to explore your campus while doing so.
If you have the same CLASS as your abuser, then definitely make sure to privately voice this to your professor, teacher, school counselor, and/or your campus police. This will make sure that you two won’t have to sit next to each other, work in group projects together, or have any form of communication with one another.
Now with abuser #2 we worked in the same place, throughout our “relationship”. When I had quit working there a few months later, shortly thereafter he had also quit. But if you find yourself having to work at or even work near your abuser here are a few tips.
If you work at the same place as your abuser make sure to privately discuss this with your Human Resource Management Department within the company, a supervisor, or any form of management. This will ensure that the two of you have as limited contact as possible. This can also make your work schedule easier by making sure you two don’t work at the same times.
If by chance your ex works in any of those higher up positions make sure to find a trusted employee in management, or trusted supervisor that you can discuss this issue with.
If you work at the same place you can also let your jobs security know. For instance if you are working a late shift, and both get off at around the same time,you can feel safer walking to your vehicle at night with your work security escorting you to your vehicle.
When I would drive around areas that I know one of my exes would be in or visit often I would immediately get that “Fight or Flight” response. I would start freaking out as if something was wrong when in reality nothing was even happening. When taking therapy and other forms of self-improvement I have found that this is quite common.
If you live near or are in an area near your abusers there are ways that you can still feel safe without having to watch over your shoulder.
“The Buddy System” I feel is always a great way to feel safe when you want to go for walks around an area that your abuser may live in. Even letting someone know your whereabouts when going for a walk can help you feel at ease.
Taking new routes and sharing your location with others by letting them know where you are can make a huge difference. If you have an iPhone you can always physically share your location with a trusted friend or family member just in case. There are also apps that can be downloaded for those who may not have an iPhone.
Safety is always the most important part.
You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells in fear that your abuser is near and going to harm you. Whether it’s at school, work, the gym, or a sporting event there are ways to enjoy yourself and know that you are safe throughout the process.
Here is a link to “the best ways to avoid an abusive ex”: