You may have wondered, where in the world have I been?
Yes, I took that first leap and decided why not start dating? Why not put myself “out there” and try seeing someone?
Now let me tell you right away… third time was NOT the charm.
Well, at least it wasn’t in my case.
Let’s begin with a little backstory:
So, I began dating this guy back in mid-November, during a vulnerable time in my life
(recently kicked out living in a spare room of my estranged father’s apartment, no car, no money to function on my own, working and going to school full time trying to figure out my next move).
Now you may ask, “If that was the case, then why the hell did you start dating?”
[There’s a difference between being alone and loneliness which I will get into greater detail later, I plan to create an entire post on the topic!]
I felt lonely having no friends, no family, and nobody to socialize with so I started to feel that in order to have value I needed to “be with someone”.
Now back to the loser, I mean guy I started to date. He seemed nice… at first.
He seemed ambitious, wanted to study law, and told many stories of how he has allllll these plans to better himself and make it to the top.
Let me just cut to the chase.
HE TURNED OUT TO BE A NIGHTMARE.
After the first date, he already wanted to “claim” me as his own and even had the audacity to want sex too, and shortly after our first date invited me over, which I thought was to hang out, yet it was to MEET HIS MOM! Totally awkward.
Then after meeting his mom he insisted I stay the night at least 3-4 times a week, which led to him popping the question!… No, not that question, thankfully! But he asked me if I wanted to… MOVE IN!
Yes, MOVE IN! After maybe three weeks or so! Since this wasn’t my first rodeo with psychos I knew this was leading to disaster…
YET, I STILL CONTINUED TO DATE HIM!
He had already slapped me and banged my head against the car window after dating for only a month, yet I still continued to date him. It was that feeling of “not being alone”, of “having someone to hang out with/to talk to” that “well everyone else is dating and hanging out with guys” feeling that led me to still put up with him and his toxic behavior.
First time he slapped me in the head repeatedly was because he didn’t like that I accused him of entertaining other women while still trying to move too quickly with me and he wanted me to only see him. Can we say Double Standard?
(which he was talking to other women by the way, he was even on Craigslist looking for sex which I’ll save for another juicy post)
Second time he decided to bang my head against the car window was for accusing him of being mean and rude to my daughter.
(which he was! By trying to scream at her for literally being a toddler, then turns around and yells at me because I don’t know how to “discipline my daughter”)
Me putting my daughter into a situation like this was, of all the mistakes I’ve made, is the biggest one! I, as I type this, am still very regretful for letting her witness someone treating me worse than trash.
After hitting me in a parking lot that afternoon, he decided to “make it up to me”.
When I mentioned at the dinner how I didn’t appreciate him treating me the way he was, for hitting me, and how I didn’t appreciate him treating me that way in front of my daughter he immediately gets angry and starts blaming me for his actions, telling me
“I didn’t take you out to eat for you to bring up old shit”
( “Old Shit” that Happened three hours prior by the way)
We had planned for a movie after our dinner date from hell and this will be the drive I will never forget.
So of course, in his angry rage he begins speeding on the freeway headed to the movie theater. He’s going over 90MPH, switching through the lanes without signaling. I’m scared thinking that we are going to crash and that I’ll never see my daughter again. I’m repeatedly telling him to slow down, to calm down, and he begins to yell at me.
“All you do is complain about the way I treat you!”
“If you would stop complaining so much I wouldn’t have to yell at you, I wouldn’t have to hit you!”
“I don’t treat you as bad as your exes! But you act like I’m such a bad guy!”
He hawks up mucus from the back of his throat… and SPITS IN MY FACE!
It took every piece of sanity and strength in my body to not take hold of the steering wheel and end us both at that moment.
Of all the things I have been through from my daughter’s dad putting a gun to my head, all the abuse I’ve endured with my past two exes, and even being thrown out on the side of the freeway, couldn’t compared.
None of those experiences ever felt as degrading as this.
I have NEVER been spat on before. I have never felt so disgusted, degraded, angry, and stupid in my entire life.
I felt so angry with myself, how did I let someone into my life like this yet AGAIN!?
I felt so degraded, how could I let someone SPIT IN MY FACE and not do anything back!? Not even yell.
I felt stupid because he wasn’t even my boyfriend, yet I devoted my time, energy, body, and money to him as if he was!
I stared at him with eyes of hurt, frustration, and ultimately defeat. I didn’t even say anything to him, I didn’t even cry, as if I was numb to it all. He continued to head to the movie theater, park the car, and act as if nothing even happened. He didn’t even speak until he parked and said,
“Are you going to be complaining in the movies too?”
I immediately got out of the car and hid inside the movie theater. Luckily he didn’t chase after me.
I used the theaters phone
(he broke my phone which is, yet another post coming soon! Yeah I have so much craziness to share with you all)
called my mom to come pick me up
(he also totaled the new-old clunker car I just emptied my account to buy which is also another post coming soon, yes he was a disaster I know).
I had to lie and say that the guy I was dating “forgot to come pick me back up from the movies” that he “went home to pick up his friends for a “double date” we were going on and accidently fell asleep”. I wasn’t sure if my mom would buy that (or anyone for that matter)… I wasn’t even sure why was I even making excuses for him in the first place?
It was that day I knew I had to end it with this narcissistic lunatic who (which I found out afterward) had four criminal charges of domestic violence towards women all over California.
I had to figure out why I keep entertaining awful excuses for “men”.
After finally getting rid of that maniac at the beginning of 2018 I realized I needed a change, a big one. I continued on my journey to “mending” after falling out of sync.
Group therapy sessions
Rebuilding my life
Brand new apartment
[I’ll fill you all in soon!]
I realized if I can lend advice to others on how to avoid toxic relationships, why aren’t I taking my own advice? Why aren’t I putting my own words of wisdom into action? I decided no more!
I will NEVER in my life put myself in that position.
I will never be a victim to anyone, ever again. After reading all the mistakes I have made in life so far when it comes to dating & relationships, I hope you never have to be put in the position I was in, and if you are in that position right now, know that you are strong and can get out!
Dating violence is real, and it has the same traumatic consequences as relationship violence.
Here’s a great link to learn more about dating violence and figure out if the person your dating needs to be left at the restaurant for good!