Sex is all around us. Sex is what populates our world. Sex is that one thing that many don’t like to discuss about yet almost all of us participate in it. At times, it may feel hard to embrace your sexy side and feel confident about yourself especially after an abusive relationship. Although it may be hard, it’s not impossible. It took me almost an entire year to truly feel sexy again, to feel confident, and to want to engage in sex again. Remember, everyone is different, some may take longer, some may take sooner, everything is a process. So, let’s strip down and start to bring our sexy back!
Step One: Love the skin you are in.
This, to me, is the most important step in the process to bringing your sexy back. You must truly be confident and love yourself first, before trying to engage in a healthy sexual relationship with someone. Block out all negativity, all negative thinking, all the negative things someone has said, all those things weren’t true nor will they ever be. Look in the mirror, tell yourself how amazing you look… repeatedly! Say it aloud, say it in your head, write it down and even shout it to the rooftops! Keep telling yourself how amazing you look (and are) until you truly start to believe it. Once you start to embrace who you are, love who you are, then it’s time to move onto the next step.
Step Two: Establish what it is you want when it comes to your sex life and sexual relationships.
You, and only you, are the controller of your life, that includes your sex life! Whether you are looking for platonic sex with someone without a relationship “status” attached to it or are looking to be monogamous and only have sex with one person at a time. That is strictly up to you! If you want to be in an open relationship where you and the other party has sex with whomever you choose, be open and honest with them. Let them know in the beginning that you aren’t looking for anything other than a sexual relationship, to eliminate any confusion down the road.
In being in an abusive relationship it was truly hard for me to decide what it is that I wanted in my sex life. I regained the confidence, loved the skin I’m in yet found myself stuck. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my sex life. As a 21 year old my hormones are set to roller coaster high. So, the “horny-ness” was there yet the sex wasn’t! I decided to establish what it is I truly wanted. I decided that for my next “sex-capade’ I would have sex with someone if, and only if, I’m ready for it. I’d let them know (way beforehand) exactly what I wanted from them, whether that be platonic, monogamy, or to be in an open relationship.
Once you have decided what it is you want in your sex life we move to our next step which is, making it happen! Bow chicka wow wow!
Step Three: Buy a ticket on the Sex Train Express and “Hop On” (maybe even literally)
Once you’ve built your self-confidence, figured out what you truly want in your sex life, now it is time to make it happen! Now I’m not saying to jump onto the next person in a three feet radius and have sex with them (unless they consent then hey go for it!)
Yet, I am saying to start to make steps in what you want to do with your sex life. Whether that be taking the next step in a relationship you are in, having the sex talk with someone you are interested in, or creating a sex journal (which I highly recommend! I will be creating a post on Sex Journals soon stay tuned). When you are ready, engage in sex, think about sex, talk about sex, be open about sex, write about sex… sex, sex, sex!