Am I Attracted to Abusive Men?
The obvious answer when asked so straightforward is no, of course not! Yet since I’ve been in not one but two abusive relationships it starts to make me question… Am I attracted to abusive men? If so, how can I get this negative crusade to end.
Well the old saying goes fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
This has made me start to analyze what it is that I’ve been doing wrong, how to notice it, and most importantly how to fix it. Here’s what I’ve come up with that can help benefit not only me but anyone else who too is a “repeat offender”.
I call them my Red Flag Questions. If you can answer yes to any of these it’s best to turn around and run while you can!
- Does the person ask you embarrassing personal questions about your past on the first date?
Now there’s nothing wrong with asking “so what didn’t work in your last relationship?” yet when they are asking personal questions like “How many times have you had sex?” “How many past sex partners have you had?” “How many people have you kissed/hugged/looked at/blinked in their direction?” etc.
These questions are not only none of their business but also invasive. This is a definite red flag. Politely remove yourself from the situation, their loss!
- Does this person get angry or jealous on the first date?
Do you notice this person giving dirty looks to your waiter of the opposite sex? Does this person constantly look at what you are looking at to make sure it’s not another mate? Does this person angrily ask to see who you are texting/talking to when you break out your phone to check the time? These are definitely red flags.
These actions are of someone who has to be control of the situation, has to be dominating everything, and ultimately is struggling from self-esteem issues to where they must feel like all attention is on them 24/7. This is something that will only get worse with time, run now!
- Does this person want to move too quickly on the first date?
Does this person constantly flatter you? Does this person seem far “too good to be true”? Does this person go as far as to say they love you on the first date? Sadly, nine times out of ten, they are definitely too good to be true. Although many people believe in love at first sight, most can agree it’s a rarity. These are some of the biggest red flags.
These flattering comments are used to manipulate you, “try to butter you up”, and use this to hook you into a trap that you’ll have a hard time getting out of. Yes, a compliment here and there is flattering but excessively usually is a warning sign for trouble.
These are definitely examples of what my ex’s have done to me. Being young and new to dating I assumed that
“Oh maybe he is just curious about who I’ve slept with?”
“I guess it is possible that he really does love me after three days.”
“Maybe he keeps giving dirty looks as if he is about to fight every guy within a six-foot radius because he “cares”.
Yeah, those were all definitely wrong! Although it seems silly those were my actual thoughts. I made excuses for their behavior left and right. These are just a few of the red flag tips to look out for. Here’s a link below to a website with a bulleted list. If you notice any of these it’s best to end it immediately, it’s their loss not yours!