“Am I attracted to abusive men?”
The obvious answer when asked so straightforward is no, of course not! After a toxic relationship and failed dating attempts I started to wonder… Am I attracted to abusive men? If so, how can I get this negative crusade to end.
Well the old saying goes fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
This made me start to analyze what it is that I’ve been doing wrong, how to notice it, and most importantly how to fix it. So when you are considering dating here are some questions to help you spot some early on signs of someone toxic that you want to remove yourself from ASAP.
I call them my Red Flag Questions.
If you can answer yes to any of these it’s best to turn around and run while you can!
- Does the person ask you embarrassing personal questions about your past on the first date?
Now there’s nothing wrong with asking
“so what didn’t work in your last relationship?”
Yet when they are asking personal questions like
“How many times have you had sex?”
“When was the last time you had sex/anal/a blowjob?”
“How many past sex partners have you had?”
“How many people have you kissed/hugged/looked at/breathed next to?”
These questions are not only none of their business but also invasive. This is a definite red flag. These questions aren’t to “get to know you better” they are too intrude upon your personal information (which this person will most likely use against you later on) Politely remove yourself from the situation, their loss!
- Does this person get angry or jealous on the first date?
- Do you notice this person giving dirty looks towards the waiter or anyone and everyone that speaks to you?
- Does this person constantly look at what you are looking at to make sure it’s not another person?
- Does this person angrily ask to see who you are texting/talking to when you break out your phone to check the time?
These are definitely red flags.
These actions are of someone who has to be in control of the situation and ultimately is struggling from self-esteem issues to where they must feel like all attention is on them 24/7. This is something that will only get worse with time, run now!
- Does this person want to move too quickly on the first date?
- Does this person constantly flatter you?
- Does this person seem far “too good to be true”?
- Does this person go as far as to say they love you on the first date?
- Even try to move in with you before even knowing your middle name.
Sadly, nine times out of ten, they are definitely too good to be true.
Although many people believe in love at first sight, most can agree it’s not very common. These are some of the biggest red flags.
These excessive “compliments” and showing tons of affection prematurely are what is called “love bombing” and are used to manipulate you, “try to butter you up”, and to try and hook you into a trap that you’ll have a hard time getting out of.
Yes, a compliment here and there is flattering but excessively?
That’s usually a warning sign for trouble.
Being young and new to dating I assumed that
“Oh maybe he is just curious about who I’ve slept with?”
“I guess it is possible that he really does love me after three days.”
“Maybe he keeps giving dirty looks as if he is about to fight every guy within a six-inch radius because he “cares”.
Yeah, those were all definitely wrong! Although it seems silly those were my actual thoughts. I made excuses for their behavior left and right. These are just a few of the red flag tips to look out for. Here’s a link below to a website with a bulleted list. If you notice any of these it’s best to end it immediately, it’s their loss not yours!